I know it has been a while since I last posted, but there has not been too much going on that is easy to share. What I mean is, the things that are happening and the way I am feeling are too hard to share. But I will share a little.
Steven left for Iraq on the 20th of Sept. It took him a week to finally call home, so I didn't hear from him until this past Sunday. He is doing well. His platoon is currently in holding in Kuwait, waiting for their trucks, from there they go to Iraq. I have no idea exactly where...so don't ask. I am not sure when I will speak to him again, he did not want to set up any specific call times in case he gets too busy and can't call, then I won't worry if I don't hear from him on schedule. I have a feeling that calls will be few and far between. He says that no news is good news and for me to try and not worry too much. Right...that will be easy. He also spoke with his Dad and was able to share some info, like how he has met some soldiers from other countries and that type of thing. He is having quite the experience it seems. I am happy he is getting the opportunity to see other places and meet new people. He also said he has now officially been to Ireland. They had a fuel stop there on the way. Pretty cool. He did not specify if he was able to get off the plane or anything, I will have to remember to ask him.
I am doing pretty well, most days. I know I have been told not to let the sadness take over too much, but that is easier said than done. There are many times when I feel like no one truely undersatnds what I am going through. At least no one that I am close to. While I do try hard not to cry in front of the girls, they need to know that it is OK to miss him and they need to be able to express themselves and share their feelings openly. I have not stopped doing things with them, in fact it has been the opposite. We spend a lot of time together, going for walks, shopping, and just hanging out. Sometimes it helps to stay busy, other times it doesn't.
I feel like I have a constant lump in my throat and that I am on the verge of tears most of the time. There are no word to adequately express my sadness, worry and fears. I just deal with them as best as I can. I feel very selfish right now. I want to care about other peoples problems, but sometimes that is very hard to do. I want to be happy for others good fortunes and successes, but that is too hard to do. I am just trying to exist. I carry on, but sometimes I feel like I am in a daze.
I know this is not a positive post, but this is where I am right now. People need to know. People need to understand. Or at least, try to understand. I am doing my very best, please be patient with me.
5 comments:
I know how hard it must be to feel like others do not understand. I have been a parent for almost 50 years of my life and I still worry about my children even though they are all self-sufficient and seem to be doing okay in their daily lives most of the time. I also worry about my grandchildren and how they will or are coping with this troubled world we live in. I especially worry about 2 of them because I fear they are in a more vulnerable place in their life and therefore their safety is not as insured as the others. I pray for them daily sometimes more than once a day. I hope this might bring you some comfort since one of them is your son. I try hard not to cause you more heart ache but don't ever forget that you are always in my thoughts and prayers, as are all of my children and grandchildren and great grandchildren... always. Love, Mom
I hear you. I understand where you're coming from.
I know how you must feel I worry about Michael too. But I pray for him and for his safety. I pray for Steven too. I also pray for Zachary because his going through a really bad time too, so I know what you really mean about the lump in your throat, you just want to cry and want to talk to someone but can't express it just pray and keep the faith that God will keep his arms around these young men and protect them until they come home. Call Brittany she has a new cell phone its 828-551-8883 its NC area code so its local to us. Keep your head up.
I wanted to tell you I love you and I am here anytime you need to cry. We can cry together.
xoxo
I can not totally understand how you must be feeling, I can only imagine, but I sure do sympathize with you girl. I do remember Steven in my prayers these days and know how hard it is for you to keep smiling through your fears. I love you and I enjoyed our talk and walk today. Hang in there.
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